one night a young girl was walking alone along a very dark path. she was terrified and shivering from the cold. "7 days without food and mommy didn't come home... i'm going to die here alone" she thought to herself. so the rucksack was packed and off she went carrying nothing on her person but the shoes on her feet and one small stuffed golden cat in her ratty, torn bag on her back. holding back tears and vomit, being so very brave, she walked to the only place she knew of for help. there they would feed her, bathe her, tend to her needs and do so until her mother returned safely, she knew they would because all the people in uniforms with big lights and guns said they would. the rain began to fall and she found it strange, picking up her pace to match her thoughts. why rain, why now? the night was quiet and cool. not a cloud in sight, just stars begging to be admired and wished upon...

the numinous clear night sky was quickly enveloped in a velvety, black cloak. a door cut from the negative space opened itself to her and she stood paralyzed. nobody had quite described the place to her but she knew it had a big door and was a huge place, the kind you couldn't miss even on accident or get lost looking for. it didn't feel like a good place to be but she knew deep down there wasn't anything to return to. it was this or death. so the precocious, precious little child carefully tip toed her way through the door like mommy taught her to do. "always be quiet. otherwise you wake it up." yes. always quiet. if she was on her best behavior and quiet she could get some food and some rest. she just needed to be good. then suddenly the floor fell out from beneath her.

and then it was all black. it was all nothing. it was all a dream. just a dream. and when she finally came to all her senses she realized it was no dream at all; worse. half real. half orchestrated from day 1. but less flowery. there was more time missing than not and less fantastic of situations occurring. and there was no beautiful lesson. no silver lining. just visceral discomfort. emptiness. she was just there; and it was all true. nowhere to hide it. nothing to glamorize. it just was and now it is; it was never going to be like it was and it could have never been like her dreams. it just was and so now it is what it is. she popped another pill and went back to sleep. maybe then she could find her self again before the inner vision of herself began rotting like the memories she bartered for uppers and fakes. it was all slipping away from her now. even the happy things. the painful things. the longing. the silence. maybe it's all for the better.

^{[SANDS OF TIME REVERSED]}